January 2012
I, Book
I spent my night collecting a bunch of short stories into an “iBook,” using some software just released by Apple (“iBook Publisher,” described as “Garage Band for Books”).
If you’ve never made a book (and I hadn’t), then let me tell you: the process is terribly humbling.
Don’t get me wrong: the software is simple and easy to use,...
Self-Improvement
When I dream about the ways to improve my life, “fountain pens” usually makes the list. It’s weird because, first of all, they’re readily available, so if I genuinely think they’re going to make my life so much better, I should just get one; and second, because, in the past, I’ve done exactly that, and they’re nice — writing with a fountain pen is...
It's good to be back.
So, Chris, what’s up with this blog? I mean, don’t you have another blog? (Or two?)
Yeah, yeah, I do. Thanks for asking. I’ve sort of stopped using those other blogs. So that’s what this blog is about: it’s about not blogging. It’s like when you buy a gym membership and then don’t go to the gym, so you buy an exercise bike for your home, partly so you get...
Ether
So something happened to lop off the second half of that last blog post. Too bad: the ending was where all the thought went.
I’m not going to try to rewrite it. That thought’s all gone into the ether. And since we all go into the ether sooner or later, I’ll meet up with it when I get there.
Invitation to a Beheading
Hiking today in Griffith Park, I ran into a woman trying to unravel her tangle of small dogs, and when she saw me, she pointed excitedly at the sky. Her English wasn’t very good (or maybe mine wasn’t…), and it took me longer than it should have to understand that she was indicating the helicopters swarming overhead. She played Charades with me valiantly till eventually we...
December 2011
Merry Christmas, from The Urban Sherpa. http://t.co/43X37cH8
NORAD Santa →
The Post Office could learn a thing or two about efficiency from this guy.
How is it possible that I’m single-minded about everything?
Why does Sarah Palin hate puppies? →
Fox and Sarah Palin Freak Over White House Christmas Card.
If I had it all to do over again, I’d do the exact same thing, but with a heightened sense of deja vu.
The defining issue of 2012 →
Big government isn’t the problem. Corporate control over our political system is.
is having a non-career retrospective.
Seven Ways to Get Yourself Hacked →
As targeted scams become more common, it’s vital to protect yourself.
I just learned who Pippa is.
Indefinite Military Detention Measure Passes On... →
The Senate passed a bill that authorizes indefinite detentions of American citizens … on the 220th anniversary of the ratification of the Bill of Rights.
The day I get my patio furniture, there are thunderstorms in L.A. Where’s Alanis when you need her?
Miss Piggy, Literary Icon →
Though most people love Miss Piggy for her work as a film star, I have always loved her best as a writer.
Consumers Say Recession Changed Way They Blow... →
A survey released Monday by the U.S. Department of Commerce found the nation’s weakened economy has drastically changed the way consumers blow their paychecks on useless crap.
My dog got New Twitter before I did.
How to Make a Voodoo Doll →
If you are interested in learning how to make a voodoo doll, here’s how!
Is my mango sorbet safe to eat if it tastes like fish?
November 2011
If NASA sold the new Mars rover as a road-ready SUV, they’d be financially self-sufficient.
Ore. governor bans death penalty for rest of term →
Because it is “compromised and inequitable.”
George Orwell advised writers, “If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.” Both uses of the word “out” are extraneous.
Dont Drink the Kool-Aid →
Why the soft drink is used to administer drugs.
Why do I spend so much time following the Republican Presidential candidates? I’m not going to vote for them. I don’t care who they pick.
Twitter: twit thyself.
There is no such thing as a vegetable →
In the absence of scientific rigor, we slog through the marsh of culture.
“So, what’d you do this weekend?” “Tried not to hate myself too much. You?”
Recession meanz Heinz →
Today, a dual indicator of how tough things area getting in the economy, brought to you by Heinz.
“When you protect the things you believe in with your body, it changes you for good. It radicalizes you for good.” http://t.co/5YVGhcBk
SF to Attempt Naked Santa Record →
Ontological question: if Santa is naked, how do you know he is Santa?
Guy parks SUV, gets out, clips his fingernails, gets back in SUV, drives off.
If your Presidential campaign is based on the idea that government is wasteful and inefficient, why are you accepting Secret Service detail?
If corporations are people, then I bet Bank of America needs a hug.
Job Title:Astronaut Candidate →
Few vacancy(s) in the following locations: Houston, TX
I actually enjoy when the media asks Sarah Palin what she thinks about issues, as if she thinks about issues.
RT @adrian_parsons: #OWS protester: “the cops have occupied Zucotti Park, we’re just trying to figure out what their demands are.”
At first I thought that dude was Mark Zuckerberg. Then I realized, No, it’s just a random guy in a hoodie.
Alice Cooper used to babysit Keanu Reeves →
“No More Mr. Nice Guy”?
Clatter: aural clutter.
Why didnt McQueary call the police? →
Penn State’s assistant coach allegedly saw a boy’s rape but didn’t intervene. An expert explains why.
If God watches over children and drunks, He must keep an especially keen eye on drunk children.
August 2011
A National Debt Of $14 Trillion? Try $211 Trillion →
Oh, you thought the other news was bad news? Here is the bad news.
I think my thinking was, if I’d had to work with the fat kid from The Goonies, I might have turned into a gruesome killer too.
12 Ways to Reduce the Federal Deficit →
Safe to say, our current Congress will consider zero of these.
If the world suddenly ended, it wouldn’t even be a trending topic, because there’d be no trending topics. Woah.
Plotlines In The Digital Age →
Nowadays technology is not just changing how we interact with books and movies, but it has changed the plotlines themselves.
Dreams are populated by invasive species.
Panetta warns against "doomsday" →
Maybe, if we’re not going to raise the taxes of the rise, then instead we should ask each of them to personally buy our tanks, bombers, and nuclear submarines.